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How To Support Your Child’s Mental Health

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and the Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, recently issued a proclamation declaring that the first week of May is Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week from May 1-May 7. And fun fact, May 7th is Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day, which also happens to be my birthday!

 

 

 

That’s why I was thrilled when FOX 5 San Diego invited me to the studio to do a segment on How to Support Children’s Mental Health. I was interviewed by Raoul Martinez at the anchor desk and we had a very important and insightful conversation. If you missed the LIVE segment, I wanted to share what we discussed in this blog.

 

 

The theme for this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week is Anxiety, which has been a major focus this entire year with the moms/parents I work with as well as the children/clients I work with. I am constantly talking about anxiety on my podcast, in my blog, and on all of my social media channels. I also give tips on how to manage anxiety in my newsletter, so please make sure to subscribe here! To help support your child’s anxiety, here are my favorite books for children with anxiety. You can shop for the books here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Causes of Children’s Mental Health

 

First and foremost, I believe our schools are not typically equip and set up to support our children’s mental health. Whether it’s due to budget issues or hiring freezes, there are not enough professional mental health therapists to be at each school to support and assist children in need. Many of the schools I have worked in share a social worker that has multiple schools on their workload and maybe will be at one particular school once a week, with probably dozens, if not hundreds of children on their caseload. In some cases, a school doesn’t have any mental health therapist on their staff at all. This is a major problem! So there are certainly societal and systemic challenges that our children have in the schools. If a child has suicidal ideation on a Friday, but the assigned therapist isn’t there on Fridays, that’s a problem. Sure, principals may be “trained” on high risk situations, but that doesn’t mean they have he professional insight, education, or professional experience working with children in these crisis situations.

 

 

Furthermore, there are more significant peer pressures than ever before. There are many benefits of social media for our youth in terms of expression and connection, however, there are so many more ways children are exposed to violent news images and articles regarding things like school shootings that they may not be able to digest in a mature way because their brains are still forming and developing. Social Media also comes with a higher level of peer pressure. Children are mainly seeing other’s life highlights, real or curated, that makes them feel not good enough or like they need to live up to false standards. Plus, there is the issue of who befriends them online, who likes their photos, and who might be friends with who, and who is invited to certain parties and events. They are just exposed to so much more than we ever were in generations past.

 

 

We are still also learning the ramifications of the pandemic and the affect it had on our children’s mental health. Children learned a whole new level of isolation and also so many fell so behind in their academic work that they have been on learning overload and have been playing catch up ever since. There has been so much anxiety about falling behind and knowing enough for things like state testing, GATE testing, spelling tests, reading groups, math tests, etc. Children are feeling defeated and unintelligent and it’s definitely affecting their self image.

 

 

Then, there is the unnecessary focus on a child’s behavior in schools and whether a child is acting appropriately or not. I am specifically talking about color clip charts in elementary schools and how detrimental they are to a child’s mental health. Children are publicly judged and shamed in front of their entire class of peers on whether they are behaving good enough or not, based on the individual teacher’s standards. Children are feeling anxious about whether or not their clip will be moved that day or what their peers will think of them if it does. I have even seen children get their clip moved because they weren’t working fast enough. What?! And instead of a child believing they made a bad choice, they internalize what is happening and start believing they are a bad child. My biggest problem is when a child makes one bad choice that may last seconds but then isn’t given the option to move their clip back up if they are “good” for the rest of the day. This outdated system is affecting children’s mental health and needs to be replaced with a more positive behavior support system.

 

 

 

How To Know Your Child is Struggling

 

Most parents will know if their child is feeling “off” on any given day. Some symptoms may be subtle and sometimes parents may not be able to put their finger on it right away, but after repeated negative behaviors, a parent will pick up on the fact that something is wrong. Some children will start isolating and wanting to skip school, sports practices, parties, playdates, and even family events. Some children will have physiological symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, and GI issues/challenges. And other children might show a lot of irritability, hyperactivity, compulsion, flight or fight mode, depressive symptoms, or anxiety symptoms.

 

 

 

How We Help and Support Our Children

 

There is a lot that a parent can do proactively and preventatively, and also reactively, to support their child’s mental health. But if your child is really struggling and they need professional help, please don’t wait. See my resources below to support you (and them!). At home, parents can show empathy to their child and make sure they validate their emotions and experiences. Let your children know you are present and are there to support them. Some children might need to talk, some want a hug, and some just want to know you are there when they are ready and need a little space. If you give them space, limit it, and let them know you’ll come back before bed or the next day to check in – and always keep the door open for connection and communication. Be involved and get to know their friends and their teachers. Ask questions and be curious. Find something in common that will connect you with them.

 

 

I also highly recommend doing a Daily Check In with you child. This is a brief exercise that you can do on the drive home from school each day or around the dinner table in the evening. Children don’t want a long, drawn out lecture, so make it short, and maybe even make it where they don’t have to look you in the eye during a dramatic sit down. Simply ask them on a Scale of 1-10 how their day was. If the number is on the high end, move on, their mental health seems stable. But make sure their behaviors are matching the number and that they aren’t just telling you a certain number to move on and make you happy. If the number is low, ask some follow up questions. Make sure you follow up with open ended questions so they can’t answer “Yes/No”, “Fine” or “OK” or “Nothing.”

 

 

Resources

 

If your child is needing professional mental health care, please find a licensed therapist on PsychologyToday.com. If your child is in crisis, call 911 and or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

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Anxiety, Awareness and Prevention, Behavior, Children, Depression, Education, Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Teenagers, Toddlers, Wellness 0

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Hello! I am Dr. Kim and I am The Parentologist! I am first and foremost a wife and a mom. I am also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Play Therapist. I hope through my professional and personal experience we can collaborate with each other on how to better ourselves and our relationships with our families and our children.

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TODAY.com Parenting Team Parenting Contributor

About Dr. Kim

Hello! I am Dr. Kim and I am The Parentologist! I am first and foremost a wife and a mom. I am also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Play Therapist. I hope through my professional and personal experience we can collaborate with each other on how to better ourselves and our relationships with our families and our children. Read More…

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🇺🇸 What a monumental day in history we had t 🇺🇸 What a monumental day in history we had today! 🇺🇸

As soon as we woke up I started educating my children, specifically my daughter, on what the inauguration meant and why today was such a special day in history. We both were glued to the television as we watched @kamalaharris be sworn in as the first Black South Asian woman Vice President and @joebiden be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States. We also were powerfully moved hearing @amandascgorman - the youngest inaugural poet in history recite “The Hill We Climb.” 

My daughter was so excited to participate and recite the Pledge of Allegiance with the rest of the county and she was so proud to see and be a part of history in the making. I haven’t been to Washington D.C. in about 8 years but I promised I would take her one day when the pandemic is over. 

In the meantime, I have a fun fact for you! Did you know that President Joe Biden and I both graduated from the same university? Yep! We both went to @syracuseu 🍊 And in fact, @joebiden is the first @syracuseu alumnus to become President of the United States! 

📸: @chrissywphoto #inauguration #inagurationday #inaguration2021 #joebiden #kamalaharris #presidentbiden #syracuseuniversity #syracuse #syracuseu #historyismade #madamvicepresident #mommyandme #46thpresident #sandiego #sandiegoblogger #momblogger #parentingblogger #motherhood
This time of year is notorious for dry air, allerg This time of year is notorious for dry air, allergies, and sinus trouble. #ad 

And since I work from home, it can get quite noisy and distracting with my husband and two children here, so sometimes I get my best work done in the comfort of my own bed. And the best part is that I can have my new @crane_usa “4 in 1” cool mist humidifier on at all times with essential oils to help with overall wellness and since it comes with a sound machine I can block out the other noises in the house! 

And at night, it helps my sinuses as I sleep, especially when the dry air of the heater is on, and it has a nightlight so my kids can see where they are going in the middle of the night when they inevitably need water or a hug! 

This is our 6th #cranehumidifier style and it’s my favorite one yet! Check out my stories for a closer look! 👀 #happyhealthyhumidity 

#humidifier #coldandflu #humidifiers #peaceandquiet #workingfromhome #workingmom #working #coldandfluseason #coldandflurelief #winter #winterstyle #wintertime #wintervibes #winter2021 #wahm #wahmlife #wahmlifestyle #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #workfromhome #workathomemom #workathome #workathomelife #newmom #babyshowergift #sinusrelief
{New Blog Post} “How to Teach Children Gratitude {New Blog Post} “How to Teach Children Gratitude” 🌱✨🌸

Throwing it back to one of the first mommy and me photos I ever posted on my feed because I’ve been teaching my daughter about gratitude since she was this little, possibly even younger (she is two here for reference)! 

Gratitude is such an important virtue and must have trait to build a child’s character. It also shows therapeutic benefits when you show gratitude to others, so why wouldn’t you want to make it a priority to teach and instill in your children? 

In this blog, I have suggestions for how to teach children gratitude broken down by ages and stages from infancy to teenage years, while also including some conversation prompts, and links to my favorite gratitude journals for busy families that we use here at home! 

Find the direct link to read in my bio and stories! I also published similar articles on @todayparents and @redtricycle if you follow me there! #drkimblog
DOUBLE TAP if you agree!! 🙋🏼‍♀️ I am DOUBLE TAP if you agree!! 🙋🏼‍♀️

I am that mom who wants to do it all and when I get overwhelmed or start suffering from a major case of burnout, I feel guilty if I take a break instead of giving my body and mind permission to slow down or even stop. 

As moms we often feel guilty if we take a break or believe we are perceived as weak if we ask for help. I have learned that the more I ask for help and the more time I take for myself, the better I am for my children. 

Guilt is an emotional response to something you perceived you did wrong, but when you experience unnecessary guilt, it’s counterproductive to healing and helping you with what you need most. So give it a try and let me know how you are going to take a break and not feel guilty about it this week below in the comments! ⤵️ #drkimparentingtips #theparentologist #drkimparentingadvice
DOUBLE TAP if you used to love Hello Kitty when yo DOUBLE TAP if you used to love Hello Kitty when you were little - and still do! 🙋🏼‍♀️🐱#ad

I am so excited to have all of these new items from the @erincondren Hello Kitty collection that launched today to keep work fun, playful, and reminiscent of childhood - something all adults need a little more of, am I right? 

The collection is all about organization, kindness, and friendship. My favorite piece of the collection is the “Daily Kindness and Joy Journal” that boldly says BE KIND, BE NICE, REPEAT on the front cover but I am also pretty obsessed with the Hello Kitty x Erin Condren Pencil Case and Vegan Leather Padfolio! 

Swipe to see my business attire on top and activewear on the bottom work style! 😉 And head to my stories to see it all up close and for your convenience I have everything linked for you http://liketk.it/35XZC and make sure to follow me at THEPARENTOLOGIST @liketoknow.it  for more of my favorites!!! #liketkit #erincondren
{New Blog Post} “Sensory Play, Pretend Play, and {New Blog Post} “Sensory Play, Pretend Play, and Role Play Ideas for Children with Autism” 🧩 🧸 🚂 ⚽️ 
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For the last 3 years I have spent my career therapeutically helping families and children of all ages on the Autism Spectrum. Play has been a fundamental way for many of my clients to communicate if they are non-verbal. And some of my clients have had to be taught how to play with a toy or another person. The play ideas listed on the blog can be used with children with or without special needs. Play is a universal way a child can explore their world in a way that makes sense to them and cultivate imagination, creativity, and fun! As a Registered Play Therapist, I love the work I do and couldn’t be prouder of the progress my clients have made with play over the years! #drkimblog
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#autism #autismmom #autismfamily #autismspectrum #autismcommunity #autismparent #autismlife #autismparents #autismparenting #autistickids #autisticchildren #autistictoddler #autismresources #playtherapy #playtherapist #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #activitiesforkids #activitiesfortoddlers #activitiesforchildren #sensoryplay #sensoryplayideas #sensoryprocessingdisorder #sensoryactivities #momswhoblog #ontheblog #newblogpost #parentingblogger #momblogger
{New Blog Post} ✨🌱🧴“Ways to Take Control {New Blog Post} ✨🌱🧴“Ways to Take Control of Your Eczema” #ad 
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These winter months have been so dry and my eczema has been flaring up. Can anyone relate? For decades I have used a variety of treatment options from over-the-counter ointments and lotions to doctor prescribed steroid medication. In today’s blog, I am partnering with @mediqcme to share more of my story and struggles with atopic dermatitis as well as some new treatment options! If you or a loved one suffer from eczema or atopic dermatitis it’s a must read! 
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Plus there is a survey at the end of the blog you can fill out and opt in to be entered to win 1 of 10 VISA gift cards! 🙌🏻 Link in bio and in stories! #itchyskinhelp #drkimblog
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#eczema #eczemarelief #eczemahealing #eczematreatment #eczemaproblems #eczemawarrior #atopicdermatitis #itchyskin #itchyskinrelief #atopicskin #atopicdermatitistreatment #atopicdermatitismanagement #eczemamanagement #winterskincare #winterskin #winterskincareroutine #winterskincaretips #newblogpost #momswhoblog #ontheblog #wellnessblogger #wellnesstips #wellnessexpert
{New Blog Post} 🌿 “How to Utilize Play to Get {New Blog Post} 🌿 “How to Utilize Play to Get Your Kids to Do What You Want” 
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As a Registered Play Therapist, play is the foundation to the way I help children conceptualize and conquer the world. Play is second nature to children and the way they respond to many of life’s obstacles. Sometimes as parents, it is easy to get into a power match with your children, especially when you want your children to comply with a request and they won’t budge. When this happens, we need to change the way our adult mind thinks and switch it to the way a child thinks. Instead of giving them a punitive consequence, try these play recommendations that can be used with children as young as toddlerhood all the way to adolescents! #drkimblog 
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#playtherapy #playtherapist #therapistsofinstagram #playoutsidethebox #learningthruplay #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #learningisfun #parenting #parentingtips #parenting101 #parentingteens #parentingtweens #parentingtoddlers #parentingadvice #parentingexpert #parentingblogger #parentingblog #newblogpost #ontheblog #momswhoblog #parenthood #toddlerproblems #toddlermom #behaviortherapist #behaviortherapy #positiveparentingsolutions #positiveparentingtips #positiveparenting
{New Blog Post} “Tips on How To Set Goals Effect {New Blog Post} “Tips on How To Set Goals Effectively in 2021” ✨ 
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It’s is usually around this time that I start thinking of the goals I want to accomplish for the year. And whether you believe in making resolutions, affirmations, or goals, it is time to be proactive!! On the blog, I outlined an organizational system I use year after year to help me accomplish my goals. And I hope they work for you!! 
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What are some of your goals you want to accomplish this year? 
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#2021 #2021goals #goals #goalsetting #goalgetter #goalsettingtips #goalsetter #goalsetting2021 #goalcrusher #momhustle #snowday #snowman #newgoals #newgoals2021 #mommyandme #letthembelittle #letthembekids #letthemplay #playoutside #playoutdoors #playoutsidethebox #familyday #familyfun #familysnowday
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