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Top 7 Ways To Help Strengthen Sibling Relationships

Siblings have such a unique relationship that is unlike any other. They share a special bond and yet one minute they are snuggling, playing, and getting along, and the next minute they are arguing and not speaking to each other. Sibling rivalry is expected and even developmentally appropriate. Fighting and competing with each other are normal behaviors but there are things parents can do to help build a sibling relationship so it will thrive and not go sour, resentful, and critical.

 

Although this post is meant for children of all ages, I do want to mention that when a parent is expecting a new sibling to join the family, preparing your first born and or older child will help them adjust better and quicker. I usually recommend getting some sibling baby books, a baby doll with accessories like diapers, bottles, and pacifiers to practice playing with and taking care of, and then also setting up new boundaries and routines before baby is born. For example, if your older child needs to change rooms, be types, start daycare, move car seats, or even be potty trained, do this before the baby is born. And then once baby is born, do what you can to still put your older child first. A good rule of thumb is to keep routines in place as much as possible. And when both of your children are crying, tend to your older one first, then the baby, unless it’s an emergency or safety situation.

 

For older siblings, meaning ones that are old enough to actively play together, here are some tips that will help build relationships from toddlerhood to teenagers!

 

Limit Playing Referee

Don’t always feel like you need to intervene. Sometimes children need to figure it out for themselves and ride it out. Unless a child is physically hurting another child, pause before stepping in. A big aspect of child development is learning how to problem solve. I have noticed that sometimes, the more parents intervene when sibling problems occur, the more problems will perpetuate. Then, tattling takes over telling and a bigger problem persists. Plus, this alleviates pressure from parents to feel like they always have to step in. Good news! You are off the hook a little and don’t need to get involved or take sides every time they squabble. And if your children come to you for advice or help, encourage and ask them to try and solve the problem themselves first, and then if they try and still can’t come to a solution, then you can step in and help. 

 

Dual Praise 

When one sibling is on task or showing good behavior toward one another, praise them and the other sibling may follow suit. Show them by example what behavior you want them to have. If one child is sharing their toys graciously, make sure you tell them that you notice! Be specific with your praise and say something like “Great job sharing your toys with your brother. That is a great way to be kind to others.” If one sibling is eating their vegetables at dinner and the other sibling isn’t, praise the one sibling for trying new foods and eating vegetables that will make them strong and healthy. Maybe even offer a treat of some kind like a marshmallow to eat after dinner – and surprisingly you may notice your other child wanting a marshmallow treat and eat their vegetables in turn, too!

 

Positive Compliments 

When we sit down for dinner, everyone at the table says something positive about each family member. The compliments have to be different than what the others say, so in our home, each person gets 4 unique compliments. And siblings each take a turn saying something kind about one another. This practice helps facilitate focusing on the positive traits of others and helps cultivate a deeper relationship with each other. Plus, eating meals together on a regular basis helps develop deeper shared experiences together. 

 

Share and Support

When it comes to activities, encourage your children to participate together. We want our children to be individuals and chase their own dreams, but participating in a team sport or group activity together will help build a stronger relationship. Enroll them in something they both want, like an art class, a sport of some kind, or a team cooking class. And when they are old enough to do their own thing, make sure you encourage your children to support each other at each of their events, games, etc. We consider individual events as family activities and when my daughter has a gymnastics tournament, our son comes to support his sister. And when my son has a soccer game, our daughter comes to support her brother. We are a family unit and we support each other in all of our activities!

 

Task Team Building 

Have your siblings bond over a joint task. For example, to strengthen their attachment and avoid unnecessary rivalry, have them come up with an idea or work on a project together instead of competing with each other. Have them agree and decide on what the family eats for dinner, what game to play during game night, or what movie to watch over the weekend. They could also engage in an art or craft that they build, create, and compete together. Any sort of group team building project will help build positive attachment where they have to learn and build communication skills, share tasks, and help each other to come up with a final product. Once they are done, they will feel good about what they accomplished together and closer because they worked on it together instead of competing together on doing a project individually. Plus this encourages them to spend quality time together, which will create shared memories, and grow a deeper bond together.

 

Date All of Your Children 

Make sure to regularly take your children out individually on dates. I typically suggest having each parent or caretaker take each child out once a month. For some children who are displaying more challenging behavior patterns, I recommend dates once a week as a reinforcer, but once a month should suffice. The date is not meant to be something that you normally do like go to the grocery store, but something intentional and unique that is just for you and that child. By dating all of your children, this helps them feel special and loved by each parent. This is especially helpful for big families with a lot of siblings but is also beneficial for only children and two-sibling families. 

 

Always Make a Repair

When your children argue, make sure once all parties are calm, have your child make a repair with the other child. This could mean a simple apology and hug or even drawing an apology picture or writing a letter to the other sibling. It is important to not only have the at fault child apologize (or maybe both are at fault and both need to apologize) but also the other child not at fault to forgive the other child. This process and closure will help repair any grudges and long term damage and resentment that can build between siblings and help grow their attachment, love, and trust for a deeper relationship in the future.

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Hello! I am Dr. Kim and I am The Parentologist! I am first and foremost a wife and a mom. I am also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Play Therapist. I hope through my professional and personal experience we can collaborate with each other on how to better ourselves and our relationships with our families and our children.

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TODAY.com Parenting Team Parenting Contributor

About Dr. Kim

Hello! I am Dr. Kim and I am The Parentologist! I am first and foremost a wife and a mom. I am also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Play Therapist. I hope through my professional and personal experience we can collaborate with each other on how to better ourselves and our relationships with our families and our children. Read More…

My Instagram

🇺🇸 What a monumental day in history we had t 🇺🇸 What a monumental day in history we had today! 🇺🇸

As soon as we woke up I started educating my children, specifically my daughter, on what the inauguration meant and why today was such a special day in history. We both were glued to the television as we watched @kamalaharris be sworn in as the first Black South Asian woman Vice President and @joebiden be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States. We also were powerfully moved hearing @amandascgorman - the youngest inaugural poet in history recite “The Hill We Climb.” 

My daughter was so excited to participate and recite the Pledge of Allegiance with the rest of the county and she was so proud to see and be a part of history in the making. I haven’t been to Washington D.C. in about 8 years but I promised I would take her one day when the pandemic is over. 

In the meantime, I have a fun fact for you! Did you know that President Joe Biden and I both graduated from the same university? Yep! We both went to @syracuseu 🍊 And in fact, @joebiden is the first @syracuseu alumnus to become President of the United States! 

📸: @chrissywphoto #inauguration #inagurationday #inaguration2021 #joebiden #kamalaharris #presidentbiden #syracuseuniversity #syracuse #syracuseu #historyismade #madamvicepresident #mommyandme #46thpresident #sandiego #sandiegoblogger #momblogger #parentingblogger #motherhood
This time of year is notorious for dry air, allerg This time of year is notorious for dry air, allergies, and sinus trouble. #ad 

And since I work from home, it can get quite noisy and distracting with my husband and two children here, so sometimes I get my best work done in the comfort of my own bed. And the best part is that I can have my new @crane_usa “4 in 1” cool mist humidifier on at all times with essential oils to help with overall wellness and since it comes with a sound machine I can block out the other noises in the house! 

And at night, it helps my sinuses as I sleep, especially when the dry air of the heater is on, and it has a nightlight so my kids can see where they are going in the middle of the night when they inevitably need water or a hug! 

This is our 6th #cranehumidifier style and it’s my favorite one yet! Check out my stories for a closer look! 👀 #happyhealthyhumidity 

#humidifier #coldandflu #humidifiers #peaceandquiet #workingfromhome #workingmom #working #coldandfluseason #coldandflurelief #winter #winterstyle #wintertime #wintervibes #winter2021 #wahm #wahmlife #wahmlifestyle #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #workfromhome #workathomemom #workathome #workathomelife #newmom #babyshowergift #sinusrelief
{New Blog Post} “How to Teach Children Gratitude {New Blog Post} “How to Teach Children Gratitude” 🌱✨🌸

Throwing it back to one of the first mommy and me photos I ever posted on my feed because I’ve been teaching my daughter about gratitude since she was this little, possibly even younger (she is two here for reference)! 

Gratitude is such an important virtue and must have trait to build a child’s character. It also shows therapeutic benefits when you show gratitude to others, so why wouldn’t you want to make it a priority to teach and instill in your children? 

In this blog, I have suggestions for how to teach children gratitude broken down by ages and stages from infancy to teenage years, while also including some conversation prompts, and links to my favorite gratitude journals for busy families that we use here at home! 

Find the direct link to read in my bio and stories! I also published similar articles on @todayparents and @redtricycle if you follow me there! #drkimblog
DOUBLE TAP if you agree!! 🙋🏼‍♀️ I am DOUBLE TAP if you agree!! 🙋🏼‍♀️

I am that mom who wants to do it all and when I get overwhelmed or start suffering from a major case of burnout, I feel guilty if I take a break instead of giving my body and mind permission to slow down or even stop. 

As moms we often feel guilty if we take a break or believe we are perceived as weak if we ask for help. I have learned that the more I ask for help and the more time I take for myself, the better I am for my children. 

Guilt is an emotional response to something you perceived you did wrong, but when you experience unnecessary guilt, it’s counterproductive to healing and helping you with what you need most. So give it a try and let me know how you are going to take a break and not feel guilty about it this week below in the comments! ⤵️ #drkimparentingtips #theparentologist #drkimparentingadvice
DOUBLE TAP if you used to love Hello Kitty when yo DOUBLE TAP if you used to love Hello Kitty when you were little - and still do! 🙋🏼‍♀️🐱#ad

I am so excited to have all of these new items from the @erincondren Hello Kitty collection that launched today to keep work fun, playful, and reminiscent of childhood - something all adults need a little more of, am I right? 

The collection is all about organization, kindness, and friendship. My favorite piece of the collection is the “Daily Kindness and Joy Journal” that boldly says BE KIND, BE NICE, REPEAT on the front cover but I am also pretty obsessed with the Hello Kitty x Erin Condren Pencil Case and Vegan Leather Padfolio! 

Swipe to see my business attire on top and activewear on the bottom work style! 😉 And head to my stories to see it all up close and for your convenience I have everything linked for you http://liketk.it/35XZC and make sure to follow me at THEPARENTOLOGIST @liketoknow.it  for more of my favorites!!! #liketkit #erincondren
{New Blog Post} “Sensory Play, Pretend Play, and {New Blog Post} “Sensory Play, Pretend Play, and Role Play Ideas for Children with Autism” 🧩 🧸 🚂 ⚽️ 
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For the last 3 years I have spent my career therapeutically helping families and children of all ages on the Autism Spectrum. Play has been a fundamental way for many of my clients to communicate if they are non-verbal. And some of my clients have had to be taught how to play with a toy or another person. The play ideas listed on the blog can be used with children with or without special needs. Play is a universal way a child can explore their world in a way that makes sense to them and cultivate imagination, creativity, and fun! As a Registered Play Therapist, I love the work I do and couldn’t be prouder of the progress my clients have made with play over the years! #drkimblog
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#autism #autismmom #autismfamily #autismspectrum #autismcommunity #autismparent #autismlife #autismparents #autismparenting #autistickids #autisticchildren #autistictoddler #autismresources #playtherapy #playtherapist #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #activitiesforkids #activitiesfortoddlers #activitiesforchildren #sensoryplay #sensoryplayideas #sensoryprocessingdisorder #sensoryactivities #momswhoblog #ontheblog #newblogpost #parentingblogger #momblogger
{New Blog Post} ✨🌱🧴“Ways to Take Control {New Blog Post} ✨🌱🧴“Ways to Take Control of Your Eczema” #ad 
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These winter months have been so dry and my eczema has been flaring up. Can anyone relate? For decades I have used a variety of treatment options from over-the-counter ointments and lotions to doctor prescribed steroid medication. In today’s blog, I am partnering with @mediqcme to share more of my story and struggles with atopic dermatitis as well as some new treatment options! If you or a loved one suffer from eczema or atopic dermatitis it’s a must read! 
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Plus there is a survey at the end of the blog you can fill out and opt in to be entered to win 1 of 10 VISA gift cards! 🙌🏻 Link in bio and in stories! #itchyskinhelp #drkimblog
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#eczema #eczemarelief #eczemahealing #eczematreatment #eczemaproblems #eczemawarrior #atopicdermatitis #itchyskin #itchyskinrelief #atopicskin #atopicdermatitistreatment #atopicdermatitismanagement #eczemamanagement #winterskincare #winterskin #winterskincareroutine #winterskincaretips #newblogpost #momswhoblog #ontheblog #wellnessblogger #wellnesstips #wellnessexpert
{New Blog Post} 🌿 “How to Utilize Play to Get {New Blog Post} 🌿 “How to Utilize Play to Get Your Kids to Do What You Want” 
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As a Registered Play Therapist, play is the foundation to the way I help children conceptualize and conquer the world. Play is second nature to children and the way they respond to many of life’s obstacles. Sometimes as parents, it is easy to get into a power match with your children, especially when you want your children to comply with a request and they won’t budge. When this happens, we need to change the way our adult mind thinks and switch it to the way a child thinks. Instead of giving them a punitive consequence, try these play recommendations that can be used with children as young as toddlerhood all the way to adolescents! #drkimblog 
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#playtherapy #playtherapist #therapistsofinstagram #playoutsidethebox #learningthruplay #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #learningisfun #parenting #parentingtips #parenting101 #parentingteens #parentingtweens #parentingtoddlers #parentingadvice #parentingexpert #parentingblogger #parentingblog #newblogpost #ontheblog #momswhoblog #parenthood #toddlerproblems #toddlermom #behaviortherapist #behaviortherapy #positiveparentingsolutions #positiveparentingtips #positiveparenting
{New Blog Post} “Tips on How To Set Goals Effect {New Blog Post} “Tips on How To Set Goals Effectively in 2021” ✨ 
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It’s is usually around this time that I start thinking of the goals I want to accomplish for the year. And whether you believe in making resolutions, affirmations, or goals, it is time to be proactive!! On the blog, I outlined an organizational system I use year after year to help me accomplish my goals. And I hope they work for you!! 
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What are some of your goals you want to accomplish this year? 
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#2021 #2021goals #goals #goalsetting #goalgetter #goalsettingtips #goalsetter #goalsetting2021 #goalcrusher #momhustle #snowday #snowman #newgoals #newgoals2021 #mommyandme #letthembelittle #letthembekids #letthemplay #playoutside #playoutdoors #playoutsidethebox #familyday #familyfun #familysnowday
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