I had the honor of being on FOX 5 San Diego this morning discussing a very topical and important topic: teen safety. I joined anchor Shally Zomorodi and FOX 5 Legal Analyst, Wendy Patrick at the anchor desk for a deep dive conversation.
Uber rolled out a nationwide program today in 28 cities that lifts age restrictions for teenagers 13-17 to set up their own Uber account and take rides without a parent/adult in the car. OK, let me back up a little…teenagers sign up for their own account, but it must be linked to their parent’s account, so there are some monitoring restrictions in place. In this blog, I am going to review what I talked about LIVE on the air including Uber’s safety features within the perimeters of this new teen program as well as my expert level thoughts and opinions about this new service.
Uber’s Teen Safety Program Guidelines
Uber has definitely put some thought into making this service as safe as possible for teenagers that will help put a parent at ease including:
-The account is ultimately set up by the parent and caregivers will get notifications when a ride is requested
-Parents and guardians can utilize Uber’s in-car audio recording feature
-Parents and guardians can track a teen’s ride in real time
-Parents can communicate with the driver
Other features include:
-Uber drivers will be notified if the driver is a minor when the request comes in and have the option as to whether they want to accept an underage rider.
-Teens who want to sign up for an account need to go through a mandatory safety training through the app (however, drivers are not asked to undergo additional screenings or requirements beyond the standard criminal history and background checks). Yet, only the highly rated drivers will be eligible to accept underage minors to drive.
In most cases, it could be ok and turn out alright. But when it doesn’t, it could be catastrophic. I am not going to get into it in this particular blog, but I’m thinking the extremes, even thought it’s uncomfortable to think about, but what about kidnapping, sexual assault, or child trafficking? a lot can happen in 15 minutes and there are no sure bets.
Is Uber for Teenagers Safe?
When our children are young, they are taught at a very early age about Stranger Danger and not getting into cars with someone unknown…well that is all about to change with this new Uber underage feature. Can a teenager have discernment about which stranger might be safer than another when traveling alone? I’m not so sure. Teenagers brains are still developing during these pivotal adolescent years, and they may not be able to tell if something seems off with a particular driver that will ultimately ensure their safety. Would a 14 year old be able to tell if an Uber driver has been drinking or doing any drugs? I’m not convinced.
Youth and young adults may not think twice about safety as their parents or older adults would. Plus, teenagers may be more susceptible to feeling obligated to get into a car with someone out of feeling pressured or obligated, rather than listening to their gut, and canceling the ride if something or someone doesn’t feel right. Now, we can’t teach our kids to live in fear nor can we teach them to judge a book my its cover, but we can teach them to listen to their gut and how to get out of a potentially unsafe or uncomfortable situation.
For example, let’s say that a 13 year old young girl gets an Uber ride, but the Uber driver sees her and starts heavily complementing her on her looks and starts asking her intimate questions about herself, where she lives, where she goes to school, etc. A young girl, at the age of 13, might feel obligated or pressured to answer this adult’s questions, even if it doesn’t feel right sharing. Take it one step further, what if this person asks the girl out or wants her phone number? This stranger driver now knows where she lives and knows she’s a minor, so what’s stopping this individual from being “friendly” yet inappropriate especially after the ride is over? There is more to the safety of the situation that goes beyond the actual ride itself.
Plus, developmentally and cognitively, a 13 year old is going to be much different than a 17 year old. There is a lot of life that takes place during these years and there is a big difference between a middle school child and a high schooler.
I am a strong believer in safety in numbers. I am a grown adult and do not prefer to take an Uber alone, so why would I think it’s ok, or safe, for my 13 year old to do it? If teenagers are going to use this service, I would strongly recommend that they travel in pairs or a group. There is safety in numbers and teens should never travel alone with a stranger, unless it’s absolutely necessary as a last resort.
Parent Responsibility: Finding Alternative Solutions
Then there is the issue of “why” a minor is taking an Uber ride alone, especially in middle school. Is it because you are a single parent and you have to work late and it’s difficult to find a way for your child to get home? Is it because you have multiple kids with varying schedules and it’s early impossible to be in two places at one time? Maybe your teen got a job and works early in the morning and it’s just easier for them to hitch a ride. Or maybe it’s because your teen wants to ride solo with their significant other on a date or to the Prom…or maybe, your teen is going to a party and it’s late enough where you are in bed or have been drinking and can’t or don’t want to pick them up?
Whatever the reason may be, I want parents to be cautious that this new service won’t be “babysitting” their children and they are solely using it out of pure convenience instead of only using it in more emergency situations, once in a while, because there are no other options available. Teen years are pivotal years to parent, and research has shown that parents are the number one influence on their kids, not their peers, so parents need to be hands on and involved during these years. We will get into how to empower kids and provide them with independence and autonomy that is developmentally appropriate later in this blog, but I am not sure taking a hands off approach and letting Uber drive your kids around is the best way to teach this important lesson. Sure, ultimately would it be safer to have a sober Uber driver take you home after a party instead of your friend who took you there because they had too many to drink? Yes, of course. But would it be even better if that teen could call their parent (even if it means they might get grounded) to have them come pick them up instead? Sure the teen might be embarrassed to have their parent come get them or might even be ashamed because they drank alcohol underaged and know their parents might be disappointed, but to me, that consequence is a better option than to take a ride home with a stranger late at night, especially at a young age. What if a parent doesn’t utilize the safety features on the app and just hopes or assumes everything will be ok, and possibly doesn’t even check the app to know their teen is even taking a ride and doesn’t wait up for them when they are coming home?
And there are alternatives. In my opinion, as a parenting expert as well as being a parent myself, I would want to ensure that parents consider all alternatives to help your kids get from one place to another safely. As a working parent, I know for a fact it takes a village to raise a family. There are times I have to travel for work and need 6 parents to help me drop my kids off or pick my kids up and take them home from school or to an after school activity while I am away on a two day trip. However, I would much rather ask someone I know and trust like a neighbor, a friend’s parent, a co-worker, an older sibling, etc., to help me transport my teen somewhere rather than a complete stranger. Maybe that is a privilege and or a luxury I have, and other parents don’t have the same opportunity, but I would hope that every parents has at least one person or a small trusted group of individuals to help them in those pinch moments.
How Do we Give Teens a Sense of Autonomy?
I have written many articles on this topic and was even on FOX 5 last summer talking about “How To Raise Independent Children” which you can read here. In general, there are many ways a parents can safety distance themselves from their teen to create a sense of autonomy. Independence is a life skill that every child needs to learn, even at a young age, so don’t worry too much about them making mistakes or failing, it’s all part of the process, even though it’s difficult to see them struggle or even suffer.
When you are just starting off, begin with teaching your tween or teen executive functioning skills. For example, let them set their own alarm, keep their own calendar, and make their own food. When you are cleaning their dishes or doing their laundry, stop and take a moment to step back, and honor them to do their own dishes and laundry. They may not do it correctly or the way you would do it, but let them learn their own way. This non-anxious parenting approach should also take place when your child is learning a new skill, playing, doing homework, or making a project. Try not to help them as much as you can (in other words, don’t do their work for them), and try not to correct the moves they make if it’s not “perfect” or the way you think it should be done. Give them the freedom to try it on their own. And if they ask for help, respond with “how do you think it should be done”?
As they get older, let them get a job, start spending time away with friends or trusted family for a night or even a weekend. Maybe they can travel over spring break or during the summer with a friend’s family for a week. Maybe you drop them off down the street from their school and let them walk the rest of the way (and wait near the entrance where they can’t see you to make sure they don’t ditch) to give them some autonomy that is still somewhat controlled.
But safety when you aren’t around is an entirely different story. There are no guarantees. When your minor gets into a car with a stranger, there is always a sense of the unknown that cannot be controlled, no matter how many safety ideals and features are in place, or meant to be in place. Once your child is in that car with that stranger, they are in their hands.
Starting today, Uber is kicking off this program in 28 metropolitan cities (many of them are college towns) including:
Atlanta, Georgia
Bloomington, Indiana
Cincinnati, Ohio
Columbus, Ohio
Dallas, Texas
Dayton, Ohio
Houston, Texas
Kansas City, Missouri
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Nashville, Tennessee
Phoenix, Arizona
San Antonio, Texas
Tucson, Arizona
New York City + suburbs of New York
On a final note, I am not trying to bash Uber in any way. This service could be life changing for some parents. In fact, I think the concept of Uber is a genius idea. I truly believe it helps people get home safely after an evening of drinking, than choosing to get behind the wheel themselves, thus preventing DUI’s and drunk driving occurrences. I also am very educated and aware of how our world functions and that it isn’t the safest, even if I want it to be. Things happen. There are a lot of good people in this world, and there are others that shouldn’t be trusted. We don’t always know who those people are until it’s too late. And those people may not be strangers, but acquaintances or friends. As parents, we have to do the best we can with our given situation, and hope for the best, making the most educated decision, especially when it comes to our children’s safety. There have been some horror stories out there and I have had some drivers in the past that were a little inappropriate, had bad brakes making it not the safest car to travel in, or frankly ones that were not very good drivers, darting into traffic, etc. All I am saying is consider the pros and the cons and think of all of this before you make a decision to use the app for minors. Some parents might think this is the best service in the world and others will steer clear of it no matter what. We are all different and all have varying needs, based on our given family dynamics and situations. All I ask is that you weigh both sides of the coin, and make the best decision possible for your family.
To watch the full segment, click below!
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