Parenting Responsibly During Covid-19 and Alcohol Responsibility Month

As a parent, I have been using this time at home with my children as a precious opportunity to talk to them about responsibility. I’m teaching them to do their chores, get their homework done, and what it means to take care of their minds and bodies, whether that means exercising, what food and drink they consume, how to self care, and how to handle stress. And since April is Alcohol Responsibility Month I am also taking the time to talk to them and show them how to drink responsibly.

 

We can’t ignore the fact that we are all in the middle of a crisis. Being quarantined and out of our normal comfort zones, enduring additional stress from possible loss of finances, balancing work and home life, homeschooling, living under the same roof with our loved ones with no where to go, and just having overall distress from our world turning upside down, it would seem easy to use alcohol as a way to escape and a way to decompress each day. You’ve seen the Tik Tok videos and memes about motherhood being so hard that moms are stocking up on toilet paper and wine to get through the day and the global pandemic. But what are these messages teaching our children? What do you think they feel when they see something like this? How do you think it affects their desire to drink responsibly or not? As a primary role model, they are watching our actions every minute of the day, so how are you going to use this time and what are you going to teach them through your actions?

 

I am not trying to say alcohol is bad or shame anyone who indulges in a few drinks. But I am suggesting that using a high consumption of alcohol as a maladaptive coping skill to survive parenthood and or quarantine may not be the safest or healthiest choice. It’s all about responsibility. How are you being responsible with your drinking? Whether it’s the frequency or the quantity or both, it’s something to think about. Also asking yourself why you drink is something else to consider. Are you drinking to relieve stress? Are you drinking to forget your problems? Are you drinking a particular glass of wine because it pairs well with the fish you prepared for dinner? Or maybe you are joining your spouse or partner in a happy hour together since you are using this time to attach together and have some fun. Before you drink, ask yourself if you want a glass of wine or do you need a glass of wine. There is a big difference. Are you trying to enjoy a relaxing moment of your day or are you so stressed you need wine to fill a void or help you survive the moment?

 

I get it. I’m a a parent, too. And I’m in quarantine just like you. I am a mom trying to balance working 3 part-time jobs, homeschooling a Kindergartener and getting my toddler ready for preschool, paying bills, keeping my house clean, being a wife, and being a mom. And I have hard days. And I also have a choice how I handle those hard days. What we post on social media influences our children, friends, extended family, acquaintances, and possibly people following us that we have never met. If we make it look like motherhood is too hard to survive without alcohol, the message carries a lot more weight than just trying to be funny. Before you post, ask yourself, is this really funny? And is this the type of perception I want my friends and children to have of me?

 

I am so honored to partner with Responsibility.org , a national non profit working to inspire a lifetime of responsible alcohol choices, to cover a variety of parenting topics throughout the year. This month, I’m talking about how parents can to talk to children of all ages about being responsible with alcohol and what positive and effective coping skills they can teach their children. Parents are the leading influence on a child’s decision to drink or not to drink alcohol and when conversations about alcohol between parents and children go up, underage drinking goes down! If it wasn’t for quarantine, most children are gone from the home 20-40 or more hours a week. They spend more time with their teachers and peers than at home. So now is the time to talk to your children! Use this time to connect with them and be the best role models you can be. If you can show them how to handle a crisis of this magnitude by using self care and positive coping mechanisms, than you are teaching them a tremendous lesson they will take with them for a lifetime! It’s all about being proactive and preventative! #TeamResponsibility #AlcoholResponsibilityMonth

 

Toddlerhood

In my opinion, you can start conversations about responsible drinking as early as toddlerhood. Children at this age are sponges and are observing everything in their lives at a constant and rapid pace. They tend to ask a lot of questions at this age and want a lot of answers. My toddler will ask me what I’m doing, what I’m eating, and what I’m drinking multiple times every day. If I am drinking out of a mug, my toddler asks me if I am drinking tea or coffee. He is only 3 years old and is already starting to pair different types of drinks to different types of cups. So you can imagine how perplexed and curious he is when I am holding a wine glass with a white or red liquid in it. Full disclosure, I honestly do not drink alcohol very much. I will, on occasion, have a glass of wine with dinner or when I am meeting up with a friend or even while I am watching a movie with my husband, but I typically never have more than one glass in one day and if I had to estimate, I probably only have about 3 glasses a wine over a month span. That’s why it is even more peculiar for my son to see a differently shaped glass with a differently colored drink, inspiring a slew of questions! And when he asks, I don’t lie to him. I tell him it is wine. I tell him it is an adult drink for only mommy and daddy. I tell him he can’t have a sip. I tell him I am only drinking a little bit, but not a lot. He understands and moves on. But as his role model, I feel good about the interaction we have about this particular topic, and what I taught him through my words and actions at such a young, impressionable, and preventative age.

 

Childhood

Children will cognitively understand alcohol and overall responsibility differently, depending on their age. Whether you start by teaching them about cleaning their room and doing chores, encouraging them to self care and exercise to take care of their minds and bodies, or what kinds of food and drink they eat, they will learn how to respect their bodies at a very early age. Modeling is very powerful for children of any age. For example, if you continually buy your children food from the store that is not good for them and let them eat goldfish crackers and drink juice all day, they may grow up not making the best choices for their bodies. If you encourage drinking water and eating fruits and vegetables, they learn to respect what goes inside their bodies. It’s not just about what goes in, but also about the quantity. Food and drink proportions are also important for their overall health since we all know that too much sugar can lead to diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and obesity among other issues. And what about their mind? Too much sugar and processed food can lead to hyperactivity, lower grades, and defiance. Everything is affected by what we eat and drink. So why not teach children at an early age when they look up to you and respect you and want to learn from you how to make positive decisions for themselves that they will take with them into adolescence and adulthood when you may not be their primary influence in life?

 

In addition to reading them books and having discussions with them about alcohol responsibility, I encourage you to go to Responsibility.org to receive valuable information for parents with children as young as 6-9 years old. If your children are in the 9-13 age range, you may also want to check out Responsibility.org’s underage drinking prevention program called Ask, Listen, Learn. You never have to feel like you are in this alone. There are resources out there to help you and support you. It takes a village!

 

Adolescence

Even if you don’t have a teenager in your home yet, I bet you can remember what it’s like to be a teenager. This is a crucial time in a child’s life where peers and the outside world may be of more influence than parents and the inside world at home. Part of this is formed through natural developmental autonomy and the other is based on what kind of relationship you have with your teenager and how much you have open communication with each other. Similar to toddlerhood, there is expected struggle for compliance at this age, but there is hope that you still have influence with your teenagers and can still make a positive difference in their lives, especially when it comes to teaching them about alcohol responsibility and underage drinking.

 

I suggest being open and honest with children at this age. They will want to know the answer to “why” more than ever and want to know why they can’t go to a party or why drinking alcohol at this age is not responsible. They also may want to know how to cope when their best friend or significant other is drinking and they are not, and how this will affect their friendships and relationships they have with others. Will they be outcasted or made fun of if they don’t go along with what the group is doing? The simple answer is to choose a different group of friends that won’t pressure you or encourage you to make bad choices, but to a child in these years, that may sound terrifying and the end of their social world and ultimately how they feel accepted and worthy. It’s complex and complicated, but having an open line of communication with them, being present to sit down and not only talk with them without sounding like you are lecturing, and listen without judgement, is key. Hear them out and validate their concerns. Remember what it was like for you at that age and the constant fears, obstacles, and struggles you had at that age. Let them know you understand and that you are there for them. Be good role models for them. Just because they are older and act more like an adult, that doesn’t mean letting them have an alcoholic beverage with you at a backyard barbecue or pool party. When you drink, show them you are making good choices and are being responsible with the amount you are drinking. Do you have a beer or two and then get in the car to run an errand? What does your behavior show them?

 

Between navigating peer relationships, getting good grades, growing up in the spotlight of social media, and trying to learn who they are as a person, a teenager has a lot of pressure. Teach them positive coping skills and show them how to self care and ways to effectively handle stress without using alcohol as a crutch. There are some very helpful tools and resources on the Responsibility.org website to help and support you through these years.

 

 

Parenting Tips During COVID19

In addition to using this time at home to have conversations about alcohol responsibility with your children, how are you showing your children how to handle stress with the current crisis that is affecting the entire world? What positive coping skills are you using during this time? How are you caring for yourself?

 

*I have been trying to get fresh air throughout my day and exercise in some way everyday. I invite my children to participate with me if I am doing yoga, going on a walk, a run, a hike, or even a bike ride around our neighborhood. I also encourage drinking a lot of water and taking their vitamins. Eating right, staying hydrated, getting fresh air, and exercising helps boost mood and also provides some Vitamin D, which boosts immunity! Unlike alcohol, that actually lowers immunity and increases anxiety. Plus getting out everyday helps make them feel like they aren’t trapped inside all of the time for an endless amount of time.

 

*I give time during the day for quiet time to rest our bodies and brains. There is a ton of information that can keep us awake all night long. Our worries are at the brim and we are inundated with articles on the daily that can be scary and intimidating. I try not to let it worry me and try to teach my children not to worry about things they can’t control. Thus, taking time during the day to just rest is imperative. During my son’s nap, my husband, me, and my daughter go in separate rooms for 30-60 minutes for quiet time. We can read books, play, or take a nap. It really helps break up the day and rejuvenates all of us to carry on the second half of our day!

 

*I have been trying to stay calm and confident about the pandemic and give them the message that this will not last forever. I am honest that I don’t know how long it will last or what it will look like when the world changes again, but I ask them to be patient, knowing it will, in fact, change. My daughter was shocked and disappointed to know she couldn’t see her friends or go to the park and that Disneyland was closed, but I assured her it is temporary.

 

*Since my children are young, I have let them play the pandemic out during their unstructured play time. As a play therapist, I know it is completely normal and healthy for children to play out what is happening in the world. It helps them make sense of it all. So let them pretend their stuffed animal is sick and needs to go to the doctor or the hospital. Have them play store and stock up on a bunch of food at once.

 

*I try to have conversations about Covid-19 with my husband or friends when my children are not in ear shot. I do not want to instill any more concern that they don’t need on their shoulders or have them be concerned about something specific if they don’t need to be. Yet I do have separate conversations with my children about it. I have had to teach them how to social distance and the importance of wearing a face mask in public and or washing their hands. I have also taught them the importance of staying home to keep others healthy. If they have a question, I answer it for them in an age appropriate way. To see more on this topic and when I spoke about Age Appropriate Ways of Explaining Coronavirus to Your Children and Managing Fears and Anxieties on the news last month please click here! 

 

*I have tried to keep a semi-structured schedule and routine for them each day. I have also tried to create normalcy and predictability in their day. I empower them to make as many choices throughout their day as possible to provide them a sense of power and control in this uncontrollable and powerless time in their lives.

 

*My children are young and may not understand everything that is going on, but they are old enough to feed off of my behavior and emotions. If I am stressed and overwhelmed, they will mimic that behavior, so I have intentionally made the decision to be positive, happy, and strong. But the doesn’t mean I am fake or emotionless. They see real emotion, I just choose to show them in a thoughtful and controlled way. I allow them to have negative feelings and let them know it’s ok to be angry, scared, or frustrated. I take time to listen to them and validate their concerns. I encourage them to have emotions and give them ways on how to effectively and positively handle their feelings. And I’ll even share stories of how I feel the same way when it’s appropriate.

 

*Try writing, saying, and practicing daily affirmations with your children. They are hopeful, inspiring, motivating, and encouraging!

 

 

To see more of my parenting tips on how to get through your day during quarantine, please visit a previous blog I wrote titled Coping with Coronavirus: Top 10 Ways To Get Through Your Day click here.

 

Please follow Responsibility.org on all of their social channels to get up to date news, ideas, and more on being positive role models for your children and how to talk to your children about underage drinking and drinking responsibility.

 

I am a Responsibility.org ambassador this year and I am compensated to write the post but all of my opinions are my own.