This morning I was on LIVE on the air at FOX 5 San Diego talking with Shally Zomorodi about how to manage expectations and minimize stress during the holiday season. Below is a little recap of what we discussed and some additional tips of things we didn’t get to during the segment.
The biggest challenge I see this time of year is excessive stress. Parents have so much on their plates during the month of December due to managing extra commitments like buying teacher gifts and attending holiday parties, dealing with in-laws, traveling, financial hardship because of the extra spending, and trying to make their kids’ holiday season “magical”. There is so much pressure this time of year to do all the things like bake cookies, drink hot chocolate, go ice skating, make reindeer food, and clean up after the “elf” each day because of all of the extra late night shenanigans.
So here are some quick tips to help you mange those expectations and minimize your stress.
Be Realistic
Make sure you are setting realistic expectations. We live in a Pinterest world where society demands perfection in every direction. Thus we set our expectations this time of year pretty high. So high, in fact, they aren’t realistic. We don’t live in a snow globe or a Hallmark movie. So make sure you are setting realistic and achievable expectations, not only for things you plan and traditions you create, but also for your child’s reaction, mood, and behavior. Just because you plan something over the top that you think is extra magical, know that your child may not appreciate it as much as you do. Or they might be tired at the end of the day and not want to even do the activity you planned. So during this time, learn to accept that things won’t likely go as planned, and be extra patient and flexible. You may not get a Santa photo without your kids crying in it or even looking at the camera, and that is ok. You may not get those Christmas cards out on time this year, or even at all, and that is ok. Don’t have time or the right ingredients to bake Santa homemade cookies to decorate for Christmas Eve? That’s ok, buy some cookies at the store, the kids and the big man won’t care. Do what you can do, and let the rest go, without the guilt! Be ok with being good enough and focus on the wins each day. The kids are all about the connection and the fun, and that’s what they will remember about their childhood, not the one year they gave the wrong cookies to Santa.
Plan Enough, But Not too Much
I am a planner because if I wing it, there is more room for error, and that can get messy. If I don’t plan out a somewhat structured schedule for the day, especially during break when the kids are at home, the kids get bored and misbehave, they end up watching way too much screen time, or everyone ends up arguing. Sound familiar? But I also caution not to plan too much in a day that your kids get overstimulated and overwhelmed, which can lead to meltdowns and power struggles. Leave plenty of room for restful activities, fresh air, and downtime. One of my favorite activities to do is a scavenger hunt – indoors and outdoors! Keep some structure in your day and keep some of your usual routines – especially bedtime! Let your kids have unstructured play time in the morning when you have energy or need to get work done and then have a few structured activities planned for the afternoon when you are more tired and they are going stir crazy. If you need help with transitions, check out these tips here!
Normalize Asking For Help
As parents, we often don’t want to ask for help. We tend to feel like if we ask for help, we aren’t good enough or something is wrong with us. But I have learned that I can’t live my life and parent alone, and it’s ok to delegate and have a community of helpers. The saying “it takes a village” is not cliche but very true. So put your own pride to the side, and ask for help from your partner, your friends, your family, and even your neighbors! Also, give yourself permission to say NO, it is actually quite empowering. Set boundaries (yes even with loved ones) and prioritize your mental health. If it’s too much, don’t do it. If it’s stressing you out, cancel. If you are squeezing too much on your calendar, it’s ok to pause and reprioritize. Take away the things that you don’t have to do. And if you need help, ask.
Set Yourself Up for Success
It’s so hard to avoid this time of year, but try to limit as much sugar, processed foods, carbs, and synthetic dyes as you can. What your kids eat will affect their mood and behavior. If you want to avoid meltdowns and power struggles, lessen the foods that will trigger those, and incorporate more fruits, vegetables, and lean meats to offset all of the candy canes, cookies, and hot chocolate!
Practice Gratitude and a Good Attitude
Try some micro self care practices throughout each day and practice gratitude for a new mindset on all of the stress and extra obligations. Change your language from “I have to do this laundry list of things and I’m super stressed about it” to “I am so fortunate I get to do all these things for me and my kids and share this time of year celebrating.” Focus on the positive things in your life like your physical health and mental capacity to handle it all.
Watch my TV segment here:
https://fox5sandiego.com/video/handling-the-holidays/9254408/
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