Dear Parents,
I wish we would have talked more. I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you and for the mistakes that I made. I wish I could go back and take it all back. I wish I wouldn’t have given in to the pressure of my friends. I wish I wouldn’t have drank so much at that party. I wish I didn’t want to impress my friends and that girl I liked, thinking it would make a difference in how much they loved and respected me. But most of all, I wish I wouldn’t have gotten behind the wheel of that car and tried to drive home. I had too much to drink and I regret my decisions. I wish I could have talked to you about it more. I wish you didn’t have to plan my funeral right now. And I wish I didn’t hit that other car and hurt those other people, too. Please tell them I am sorry.
Love,
Your loving child
When I was in the 5th grade, I entered a writing contest at my school for a Drug and Alcohol Awareness Program to win a $500 savings bond, and I won. What you just read was an excerpt from my submission. Then, in college, I was a school assembly speaker through the San Diego County of Education speaking at multiple elementary, middle, and high schools on drug and alcohol prevention. I came from the angle of abstaining from drugs and alcohol and how they could do it, too. I talked about being confident in your own skin, pushing back against peer pressure, and standing your ground based on your own values and self worth. And come to think this was all before I became a licensed mental health therapist. And now, I am honored to have been a Responsibility.org ambassador for the last two years, helping and educating parents on the importance of talking with their children with the ultimate goal of preventing underage drinking and drunk driving. It seems I have been meant to talk on this topic my entire life. I am passionate about the work I do with Responsibility.Org because I love their mission and want to help save lives.
For as long as I can remember, there has always been pressure for parents to help talk and educate their children on underage drinking and drunk driving behaviors. And there has also always been pressure from peers to “be cool” and “fit in” and “experiment” with drugs and alcohol at an early age. These two obviously conflict with each other like water and oil. But according to research, parents have more influence than peers. And after this past year during the pandemic, the pressure for parents has increased tenfold and it’s never been more important to connect with our children and be proactive and preventative when it comes to having an open, trusting relationship as well as a secure attachment. The goal would be to learn to be autonomous and independent and make good decisions on their own but also have the unconditional support of their parents when they need advice or a shoulder to cry on.
The bottom line is that parents have a lot on their plate. Being a parent of any age isn’t easy and each age and stage brings different challenges. Handling adolescence and the topic of underage drinking and drunk driving certainly are not easy. Especially since there are so many other stressors happening in the world. During a recent Responsibility.Org virtual summit I attended, we listened to the expertise of Lynn Lyons, anxiety expert, therapist, and co-host of Fluster Clux podcast, a podcast for parents who worry with helpful tips on managing the mental health of your family. She talked about how parents today are somewhat over-reactive to normal ups and downs, especially with tweens and teens, and the need to normalize discomfort, uncertainty, problem solving, autonomy and reasonable risk. So do not be afraid to talk about this topic. Embrace it. We need to consider how are we going to make sure we are building back up the strength of our kids and be aware that we are not over reacting to normal ups and downs of kids going through difficult times (not liking teacher, drama with friends, heartbreak). We want to let them experience these things and move through them and provide them with positive coping skills rather than maladaptive ones and create excessive and unnecessary panic and anxiety. Furthermore, they are looking at how we manage stress, anxiety, pressure, and problems, so keep that in mind with our own coping mechanisms and ways to manage your mental overload.
With the holidays coming up and others celebrating, let’s role model for our children how to drink responsibly. And now, more than ever, it’s vital that we talk with our kids about alcohol responsibility. It’s imperative we educate them on the dangers of underage drinking and drunk driving. And it’s crucial we have open ended conversations with them. It’s critical we are proactive and preventative. And Responsibility.org has so many resources and conversation starters for parents to talk about risk seeking behaviors, underage drinking, and drunk driving prevention. Sometimes children just want a parent to listen, and that’s ok. Let them vent and avoid giving them a lecture of advice. But sometimes, if a child feels emotionally safe in a trusted environment with a non-judgmental adult, they may seek feedback. Try to keep it concise and to the point, but this is where education and influence can really begin! A child’s brain keeps growing until they are in their 20’s, so it’s not too late to start.
“PARENTS ARE THE NUMBER ONE INFLUENCE ON THEIR KIDS’ DECISIONS TO DRINK—OR NOT TO DRINK—ALCOHOL, AND WHEN CONVERSATIONS ABOUT ALCOHOL BETWEEN CHILDREN AND PARENTS INCREASE, THE UNDERAGE DRINKING RATE DECREASES” – RESPONSIBILITY.ORG
Take a moment and read that again.
I encourage you to go to Responsibility.org to receive valuable information for parents with children as young as 6-9 years old. If your children are in the 9-13 age range, you may also want to check out Responsibility.org’s underage drinking prevention program called Ask, Listen, Learn. As a parent, giving your child a voice is such a powerful and beneficial gift you can give them. And the earlier you talk to them, the better, but remember, it’s never to late to open the lines of communication. And Responsibility.org has a tremendous amount of resources and conversation starters to help you! Responsibility.org has conversation starters on their site here. In fact, their Ask, Listen, Learn program is a completely FREE digital underage drinking prevention program for kids ages 9-13 (grades 4-7) and their parents and educators with the goal to reduce underage drinking. This Winter Break from school is a great time to talk to your children when they are home and have less outside pressure.
You can follow Responsibility.Org on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for more information! #TeamResponsibility
This post is sponsored by Responsibility.org and I am a very proud #TeamResponsibilty ambassador, but all opinions are my own.
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