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Breast Cancer: The Ugly Side of the Truth

Ever since getting bad news during my yearly diagnostic mammogram in January, this year has been challenging to say the least. I have been emotionally drained, mentally frazzled, financially depleted, and physically in pain. I have lived in a world of ambiguity – a familiar yet unknown place where my worry and fear have gotten the best of me. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2011, just over 7 years ago, I kept my journey to myself. Only a handful of people knew about what I was going through and I felt very alone. I underwent two surgeries and went on my way to become a mom of two and thought I wouldn’t have to be in a similar situation again. I took for granted that this was a potentially lifelong experience that would live with me for the rest of my life. And here we are in 2019, when I was re-diagnosed with Stage 0 Breast Cancer earlier this year – otherwise known as Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS) – a pre-cancer that could eventually lead to invasive cancer.

 

 

I knew the moment I was facing this head on again I didn’t want to do it in silence like the first time. I wanted to share my story because I knew it would educate and raise awareness, help me not feel so secluded and afraid, and possibly help someone else going through a similar experience. I have a voice and want to be heard. And fortunately, I have a platform to do so. Everyone’s story is different and everyone handles things like this differently.  But this is my story and I won’t let anyone take it away from me.  However, little did I know that by sharing my story I would receive harsh judgment from others. I suppose it’s human nature to some extent when you put yourself out there, but it never crossed my mind that a handful of people would get so nasty and try to shame me or tell me that I am being melodramatic, sensational, and accuse me of exaggerating and exploding my illness for attention and self gain. Someone even said to me “It’s not like you are dying so why are you acting like you are?”

 

That being said, the majority of people in my life have been nothing but kind, helpful, loving, and supportive. In fact, the other day I downplayed my diagnosis to someone after hearing this negative comment and assured them that despite what I’ve gone through I have the best case scenario for a breast cancer diagnosis. And they turned to me and said, “Maybe. But you still have cancer and that is never something to dismiss.”

 

You see, I do have a very positive prognosis under the circumstances. But I please ask you not to MINIMIZE my experience. I haven’t been diagnosed with invasive cancer nor did I ever feel like I tried to act like I did. I know that it could be a lot worse and I feel very grateful for my life – knowing others have their lives on the line. However, when you spend almost an entire year in and out of hospitals and doctor’s offices and walk down the hall of multiple Cancer Centers, and are facing surgeries and radiation treatments, you sure feel like your life is threatened. Maybe not in that moment, but it all becomes too real and knowing statistically, that your chances are higher for it coming back again with a vengeance. And you feel like this time you got lucky, but what about next time?

 

 

Now after 3 partial mascectomies completed, with this last one being the worst since I also had some reconstruction, I was left all summer in extreme pain and with multiple limitations like not being able to hold my son for 6 weeks, which had its toll on both of us. And mind you this is while working three jobs and taking care of my children full time. I don’t want a medal, I am just putting hw challenging my summer was in perspective. And now, this time around, I am receiving daily radiation treatments for four weeks to proactively try and prevent my chances of getting it back again. But do have any idea how hard and stressful it is to come off of six weeks of recovery where you can barely move your arms or get dressed by yourself and then have to drive an hour away for daily radiation treatments for four weeks and set up childcare for each of those days with different people? But despite the surgeries and radiation, it’s not a guarantee that I’ll be cancer free forever – there is still a small percentage it could come back on that side. And did I mention that my chances of getting breast cancer on the other side increase as well? And that side is free game since it hasn’t had any preventative measures taken yet.

 

 

I’m just stating the facts. Cancer is a scary thing. And although my life isn’t truly on the line at this moment, it could be down the road – especially without the surgeries or radiation treatment. I am not saying I want to live in fear everyday, but it’s a part of my body that lives inside me that I cannot change. I also don’t want sympathy or pity. I just want to educate others about my experience, bond with others who may need support, and help normalize my experience with others who can relate to what I’ve been going through emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to apologize for that. So I beg you not to try and silence what I’ve experienced in my life. We all go through difficult times, and this has been an extremely difficult time in mine. This is my experience and even though there have been a lot of people in my life by my side somewhat experiencing it alongside me, it still isn’t the same. This is not their life and this is not their body. Each day I am getting stronger and braver but nothing will change the fact that I am a true survivor no matter what way you look at it.

 

 

I wish the people who threw entitled judgement and criticism at me good health, peace, love and hope they can learn how to maturely empathize when others are going through a traumatic time in their life, even if they haven’t experienced something similar or don’t agree with how it’s presented or handled. And I want them to know that especially if anyone is going through a health scare, give them some grace, compassion, patience, kindness, and love. The last thing they need in the midst of their struggle is negativity. Instead, ask if they need help. Pray for them.

 

It has been hurtful and has shattered my spirit a little, but despite the adversity, pain, struggle, and negativity, I want to rise up and be a ray of sunshine that inspires hope, humility, optimism, strength, and positivity. My faith always gets me through.

 

And a special thank you to those of you who have supported me throughout my journey and have been there to bring me meals, help with childcare, pray for my heath and family, and take care of me. I have so much gratitude and appreciation for you! And to all my warriors and survivor sisters who I have met throughout this season and who have shared their journey, FIGHT ON! And I have a newfound outlook on life! My priorities have changed and it’s like everything is more clear. I am optimistic of what the rest of the year will bring and have a positive outlook on my future. And as soon as all of my treatments are over, I am going to slay life and really make it worth LIVING!!!!

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Hello! I am Dr. Kim and I am The Parentologist! I am first and foremost a wife and a mom. I am also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Play Therapist. I hope through my professional and personal experience we can collaborate with each other on how to better ourselves and our relationships with our families and our children.

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TODAY.com Parenting Team Parenting Contributor

About Dr. Kim

Hello! I am Dr. Kim and I am The Parentologist! I am first and foremost a wife and a mom. I am also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Play Therapist. I hope through my professional and personal experience we can collaborate with each other on how to better ourselves and our relationships with our families and our children. Read More…

My Instagram

🇺🇸 What a monumental day in history we had t 🇺🇸 What a monumental day in history we had today! 🇺🇸

As soon as we woke up I started educating my children, specifically my daughter, on what the inauguration meant and why today was such a special day in history. We both were glued to the television as we watched @kamalaharris be sworn in as the first Black South Asian woman Vice President and @joebiden be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States. We also were powerfully moved hearing @amandascgorman - the youngest inaugural poet in history recite “The Hill We Climb.” 

My daughter was so excited to participate and recite the Pledge of Allegiance with the rest of the county and she was so proud to see and be a part of history in the making. I haven’t been to Washington D.C. in about 8 years but I promised I would take her one day when the pandemic is over. 

In the meantime, I have a fun fact for you! Did you know that President Joe Biden and I both graduated from the same university? Yep! We both went to @syracuseu 🍊 And in fact, @joebiden is the first @syracuseu alumnus to become President of the United States! 

📸: @chrissywphoto #inauguration #inagurationday #inaguration2021 #joebiden #kamalaharris #presidentbiden #syracuseuniversity #syracuse #syracuseu #historyismade #madamvicepresident #mommyandme #46thpresident #sandiego #sandiegoblogger #momblogger #parentingblogger #motherhood
This time of year is notorious for dry air, allerg This time of year is notorious for dry air, allergies, and sinus trouble. #ad 

And since I work from home, it can get quite noisy and distracting with my husband and two children here, so sometimes I get my best work done in the comfort of my own bed. And the best part is that I can have my new @crane_usa “4 in 1” cool mist humidifier on at all times with essential oils to help with overall wellness and since it comes with a sound machine I can block out the other noises in the house! 

And at night, it helps my sinuses as I sleep, especially when the dry air of the heater is on, and it has a nightlight so my kids can see where they are going in the middle of the night when they inevitably need water or a hug! 

This is our 6th #cranehumidifier style and it’s my favorite one yet! Check out my stories for a closer look! 👀 #happyhealthyhumidity 

#humidifier #coldandflu #humidifiers #peaceandquiet #workingfromhome #workingmom #working #coldandfluseason #coldandflurelief #winter #winterstyle #wintertime #wintervibes #winter2021 #wahm #wahmlife #wahmlifestyle #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #workfromhome #workathomemom #workathome #workathomelife #newmom #babyshowergift #sinusrelief
{New Blog Post} “How to Teach Children Gratitude {New Blog Post} “How to Teach Children Gratitude” 🌱✨🌸

Throwing it back to one of the first mommy and me photos I ever posted on my feed because I’ve been teaching my daughter about gratitude since she was this little, possibly even younger (she is two here for reference)! 

Gratitude is such an important virtue and must have trait to build a child’s character. It also shows therapeutic benefits when you show gratitude to others, so why wouldn’t you want to make it a priority to teach and instill in your children? 

In this blog, I have suggestions for how to teach children gratitude broken down by ages and stages from infancy to teenage years, while also including some conversation prompts, and links to my favorite gratitude journals for busy families that we use here at home! 

Find the direct link to read in my bio and stories! I also published similar articles on @todayparents and @redtricycle if you follow me there! #drkimblog
DOUBLE TAP if you agree!! 🙋🏼‍♀️ I am DOUBLE TAP if you agree!! 🙋🏼‍♀️

I am that mom who wants to do it all and when I get overwhelmed or start suffering from a major case of burnout, I feel guilty if I take a break instead of giving my body and mind permission to slow down or even stop. 

As moms we often feel guilty if we take a break or believe we are perceived as weak if we ask for help. I have learned that the more I ask for help and the more time I take for myself, the better I am for my children. 

Guilt is an emotional response to something you perceived you did wrong, but when you experience unnecessary guilt, it’s counterproductive to healing and helping you with what you need most. So give it a try and let me know how you are going to take a break and not feel guilty about it this week below in the comments! ⤵️ #drkimparentingtips #theparentologist #drkimparentingadvice
DOUBLE TAP if you used to love Hello Kitty when yo DOUBLE TAP if you used to love Hello Kitty when you were little - and still do! 🙋🏼‍♀️🐱#ad

I am so excited to have all of these new items from the @erincondren Hello Kitty collection that launched today to keep work fun, playful, and reminiscent of childhood - something all adults need a little more of, am I right? 

The collection is all about organization, kindness, and friendship. My favorite piece of the collection is the “Daily Kindness and Joy Journal” that boldly says BE KIND, BE NICE, REPEAT on the front cover but I am also pretty obsessed with the Hello Kitty x Erin Condren Pencil Case and Vegan Leather Padfolio! 

Swipe to see my business attire on top and activewear on the bottom work style! 😉 And head to my stories to see it all up close and for your convenience I have everything linked for you http://liketk.it/35XZC and make sure to follow me at THEPARENTOLOGIST @liketoknow.it  for more of my favorites!!! #liketkit #erincondren
{New Blog Post} “Sensory Play, Pretend Play, and {New Blog Post} “Sensory Play, Pretend Play, and Role Play Ideas for Children with Autism” 🧩 🧸 🚂 ⚽️ 
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For the last 3 years I have spent my career therapeutically helping families and children of all ages on the Autism Spectrum. Play has been a fundamental way for many of my clients to communicate if they are non-verbal. And some of my clients have had to be taught how to play with a toy or another person. The play ideas listed on the blog can be used with children with or without special needs. Play is a universal way a child can explore their world in a way that makes sense to them and cultivate imagination, creativity, and fun! As a Registered Play Therapist, I love the work I do and couldn’t be prouder of the progress my clients have made with play over the years! #drkimblog
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#autism #autismmom #autismfamily #autismspectrum #autismcommunity #autismparent #autismlife #autismparents #autismparenting #autistickids #autisticchildren #autistictoddler #autismresources #playtherapy #playtherapist #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #activitiesforkids #activitiesfortoddlers #activitiesforchildren #sensoryplay #sensoryplayideas #sensoryprocessingdisorder #sensoryactivities #momswhoblog #ontheblog #newblogpost #parentingblogger #momblogger
{New Blog Post} ✨🌱🧴“Ways to Take Control {New Blog Post} ✨🌱🧴“Ways to Take Control of Your Eczema” #ad 
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These winter months have been so dry and my eczema has been flaring up. Can anyone relate? For decades I have used a variety of treatment options from over-the-counter ointments and lotions to doctor prescribed steroid medication. In today’s blog, I am partnering with @mediqcme to share more of my story and struggles with atopic dermatitis as well as some new treatment options! If you or a loved one suffer from eczema or atopic dermatitis it’s a must read! 
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Plus there is a survey at the end of the blog you can fill out and opt in to be entered to win 1 of 10 VISA gift cards! 🙌🏻 Link in bio and in stories! #itchyskinhelp #drkimblog
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#eczema #eczemarelief #eczemahealing #eczematreatment #eczemaproblems #eczemawarrior #atopicdermatitis #itchyskin #itchyskinrelief #atopicskin #atopicdermatitistreatment #atopicdermatitismanagement #eczemamanagement #winterskincare #winterskin #winterskincareroutine #winterskincaretips #newblogpost #momswhoblog #ontheblog #wellnessblogger #wellnesstips #wellnessexpert
{New Blog Post} 🌿 “How to Utilize Play to Get {New Blog Post} 🌿 “How to Utilize Play to Get Your Kids to Do What You Want” 
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As a Registered Play Therapist, play is the foundation to the way I help children conceptualize and conquer the world. Play is second nature to children and the way they respond to many of life’s obstacles. Sometimes as parents, it is easy to get into a power match with your children, especially when you want your children to comply with a request and they won’t budge. When this happens, we need to change the way our adult mind thinks and switch it to the way a child thinks. Instead of giving them a punitive consequence, try these play recommendations that can be used with children as young as toddlerhood all the way to adolescents! #drkimblog 
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#playtherapy #playtherapist #therapistsofinstagram #playoutsidethebox #learningthruplay #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #learningisfun #parenting #parentingtips #parenting101 #parentingteens #parentingtweens #parentingtoddlers #parentingadvice #parentingexpert #parentingblogger #parentingblog #newblogpost #ontheblog #momswhoblog #parenthood #toddlerproblems #toddlermom #behaviortherapist #behaviortherapy #positiveparentingsolutions #positiveparentingtips #positiveparenting
{New Blog Post} “Tips on How To Set Goals Effect {New Blog Post} “Tips on How To Set Goals Effectively in 2021” ✨ 
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It’s is usually around this time that I start thinking of the goals I want to accomplish for the year. And whether you believe in making resolutions, affirmations, or goals, it is time to be proactive!! On the blog, I outlined an organizational system I use year after year to help me accomplish my goals. And I hope they work for you!! 
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What are some of your goals you want to accomplish this year? 
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#2021 #2021goals #goals #goalsetting #goalgetter #goalsettingtips #goalsetter #goalsetting2021 #goalcrusher #momhustle #snowday #snowman #newgoals #newgoals2021 #mommyandme #letthembelittle #letthembekids #letthemplay #playoutside #playoutdoors #playoutsidethebox #familyday #familyfun #familysnowday
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