A Parent’s Guide: Safeguarding Your Child’s Mental Wellbeing

It’s officially back to school season and parents, as well as their children, are adapting to new schedules, new routines, new teachers, and new friends. As parents, we want to set our children up for success in school whether it be helping them with their homework or giving them advice on their peer relationships. But what about their mental health?

 

 

 

 

This blog is going to provide tips on how you can help protect your child’s mental health at school, signs and symptoms to look for when they are struggling, and how to support them when they need help. We all want our children to have a successful year mentally, socially, and academically, and this blog will be your guide!

 

 

 

 

Earlier this week I was honored to talk on this topic with Shally Zomorodi on FOX 5 San Diego Morning News. We had an in depth conversation on how to safeguard our children’s mental wellbeing as our children are heading back to school. The LIVE segment was short, so I am going to go into more detail about what I talked about on the air as well as the what I wish I would have said if I was able to have more time!

 

How to Help Children Feel Secure

 

This school year, parents can do two things to help their children feel secure:

 

1. Children thrive on connection and community. So whether it’s friends at school, teachers, coaches, peers in after school activities, or neighbors – as well as AT HOME – make sure your children have an obvious and active support system.

 

2. Make sure to be present, listen, and validate. Easier said than done, what does that look like?

 

• Being present: Sometimes we think we are being present, but we aren’t really all there. An example I shared on the air was about a little girl who wanted to spend more time with her parent. When she expressed this desire to her parent, the parent responded that they spent hours with them the night before. But then the girl responded that it didn’t count because they were sitting on opposite sides of the couch watching TV while the parent was on the phone most of the time.
• Listening: When a child shares a story or experience about their day or something they are struggling with, just practice listening and not responding. We don’t like to see our kids in any pain and innately want to help them. But sometimes when we interject our own advice based on similar stories and experiences, we intend to relate, but in actuality, it invalidates the child and they end up getting resentful and angry or shutting down. It is during these times when a lecture is the last thing they want or need to hear. You can still show empathy by saying “that must be hard. I had a similar experience and know a bit how you might feel.” and then leave it at that…then ask “do you want me to just listen or help you solve the problem?”
• Validate them: When a child is struggling, it is important to validate their emotions and experience. Similar to being empathetic, let them know you see them and hear them. Let them know you can relate and understand what they are feeling. And remind them that it’s ok to be upset.

 

How to Know if Your Child is Struggling

 

Children will show behavioral, emotional, and physiological symptoms when they are struggling. Some children will show withdrawal from favored people and activities, isolation from peers and family, have rapid and sudden mood swings and outbursts, excessive yelling, irritability, or crying, headaches, stomachaches, and making up reasons to miss school or come home early. You may also notice your child’s grades are slipping or them getting into arguments at school.

 

How to Handle Poor Grades or Classroom Behavior

 

If you believe your child is struggling at school, do not hesitate to talk to the teacher or the principal. I would also recommend volunteering at the school, if the school allows and your schedule allows, so you can keep a pulse on your child, their peers, and their teacher. If their grades are slipping, there may be an opportunity for extra credit, doing an assignment over, having more time to complete an assignment, etc. A teacher or principal can help provide resources if your child may benefit from a learning disability, dyslexia, mental health, or ADHD assessment to determine if there is an underlying diagnosis. This may lead you and your child to having more school accommodations and support.  A teacher or principal may also be aware if your child is suffering from bullying, which may mean switching seats or lead to moving classrooms.

 

There are two things to consider:

 

1. If your child is struggling or their grades are slipping, they may be fearful that you will get mad at them and or punish them in some way, which causes a tremendous amount of anxiety.
2. If your child is not feeling smart enough, talented enough, athletic enough, or good enough in any capacity, which may also mean not feeling popular enough, this can lead to depression.

 

 

How to Protect Their Mental Health After School

 

Parents need to cultivate an under stimulating environment when their children come home from school. Children are so overstimulated at school, that when they come home, they need a calm environment to relax and recharge. Some kids will come home and go straight to the television or video games, or homework and chores, or even after school activities and sports practice. If possible, take the first 30-60 minutes your child comes home from school and either:

 

1. Have them draw at the table
2. Have them get fresh air and play outside
3. Get them moving and take a leisurely walk in the neighborhood
4. Write in a journal
5. Read a fun book
6. Do a sensory based activity
7. Partake in a grounding exercise
8. Have a quiet snack and hydrate
9. Play soft music with the lights low
10. Take a nap

 

I also suggest limiting screen time and peer exchanges with friends as well as knowing the content they are streaming on television and or the video games they are playing.

 

Do a Daily Check In

 

If you’ve read my blogs before, you know I am a huge advocate for a daily check in. I’ve even talked about it on FOX 5 in the past! I suggest checking in with your children daily. Choose one word you are feeling and encourage your child to do the same. Let them describe the emotion they are feeling to you. Use simple words and hear how they are explaining their emotions. You can also prompt them with words like mad, sad, happy, excited, bored, confused, frustrated, angry, scared, worried, etc if they are younger and can’t think of the exact word they want to share.

 

Sometimes children don’t want to “talk” for long periods of time. They are trying to find themselves, their independence, and their autonomy so unless you are a peer, it’s easy to get disconnected as a parent at this age. And if you try to have long conversations with them that sound more like a lecture, they will get restless and tune out quickly. They possibly may even start to resent you and avoid you and having a conversation with you. So here’s my advice. First, start as early as you can to build trust and make daily check-ins a routine. I’m taking 8 or 9 years old, if possible, if note earlier. Make a daily check-in an expectation. Make a daily check-in effortless. Make a daily check-in something quick and easy and maybe even a little fun. This is a great way to keep a pulse on your child’s mood, mental and emotional health, and social activity. I usually do a check-in after school each day and you can start this as young as toddlerhood! No, seriously! At the end of daycare or preschool, ask your child how they are doing by giving you a thumbs up, thumb down, or sideways thumb to gauge their day. If the give you a thumbs up, move on! If it’s a thumbs sideways or down, you can follow up with more questions about why or what went wrong and how you can help. Showing empathy and validation is very important during this part of the conversation. As the child gets older, like elementary school, you can ask them to scale their day from 1-10. If the number is high, move on. If the number is low, ask them what could have made it higher and follow up with more questions about the day. But be careful not to overload them or flood them. You will lose them and they may shut down. As a tween or teen, you can continue the scaling and or make it more engaging like asking them to tell you something good, something bad, and something funny about their day. Empower them by letting them chose the order in which they tell you their answers. You can easily do this in the car on the way home or sitting around the dinner table.

 

Watch the full segment here:

 

https://fox5sandiego.com/video/setting-your-student-up-for-success/8937033/